Monday, August 14, 2006

Day in THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN...

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare
his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some
tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With his first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His
medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal
fought to insure their safety and that they work as advertised. All
but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical
plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for
paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is
safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to
regulate the meat packing industry. In the morning shower, Joe
reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each
ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby
liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body
and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a
deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some
environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries
from polluting our air.

He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to
work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation
fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public
transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a
contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay,
medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some
lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working
standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer
doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the
job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or
unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should
lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It's noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some
bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some
godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous
bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his
below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal
decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was
educated and earned more money over his lifetime.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at
his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His
car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating
liberal fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood
home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by
Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make
rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some
big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and
demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives
on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking,
cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe
wouldn't have to. Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and
turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals
are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the
beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit
Joe enjoys throughout his day.

Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our
lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should
take care of themselves, just like I have."

(recv'd as an email)

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